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Journal Entry

This is my journal entry for Wednesday, April 13th, 2011.


I am going to endeavor to use this journal as just that: a journal. A place to put my thoughts, regardless of who sees them. I have been told on several occasions by several different people that I do not communicate well. This is probably due to the fact that my thoughts race around my head so quickly that it is difficult for me to catch them and put them into words. I feel that perhaps writing my thoughts down here will allow me to more easily convey them to others, either through their reading if this journal or through the fact that I will have already put words into my brain that correspond to the things I am thinking. That being said, here goes nothing.


Last night, as I was trying to run an ethernet cable in my apartment, I knocked over a set of shelves. A bookcase that does not hold books. The items set upon these shelves were Amber's deco materials. Everything from larges amounts of caulk to tiny Swarovski crystals fell to the ground. This was completely on accident, but nonetheless, I felt terrible about it. One or two things broke, but the amount of work that it will take to put things aright, work that can only be done by her because I simply would be in the way if I tried to help, is just astounding. It will probably take the better part of a month to get everything back in its place.

The reason the shelves fell is because, instead of removing things from the shelves and placing them on a nearby table for a moment, I tried to move the entire bookcase all at once. I do not know why I did this. I didn't have a good reason for this. I just didn't think before I acted. This is something that I have always had trouble with, leaping before I look. I'm not sure what to do when it comes to attempting to fix this problem. It's easy to say "stop and think about what you're about to do before you do it." But often things are easier said than done. Especially when one's own mind moves faster than one can even explain. Usually, I'm thinking so many things at once that it all becomes a blur. A kind of white noise in my head. I often have music on or a song in my head because it's easier to focus on that than my own thoughts.

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